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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Poems Coming Out My Ass

Okay so I've been busy for the past few days.  But somehow poems seem to strike me no matter how busy I am or where I am.  I just have to run for some paper before I forget it.  They're mostly love poems that I'm writing at the moment.  I'm just inspired by love.  I do have a few hanging around that are more of nature poems but today I'm only going to post a few of my love poems.


Passions

Can’t you feel my heart breaking?
Can’t you see how much I love you?
What do I have to do for your love?
When will I be yours that you love?
I just want you in my arms forever.
To hold you until time passes away.
Just let me in sunshine and I’ll warm you for eternity.
Just open your heart and I’ll love you till the universe dies.
You and I are made for each other.

Can’t you feel my love for you?
Can’t you see how much you love me?
What are you really scared of my love?
When will you realize how much you love me?
I just want to be with you forever.
To be the one you love for all eternity.
Just be brave and release your fear.
Just say the word and I’ll be yours.
You and I have a special connection.

Can’t you feel your love for me?
Can’t you see how much we belong together?
What do you have to lose?
When will you let my love in you?
I just want your love in my heart.
To kiss you, hug you and love you unending.
Just embrace your love for me.
Just let me into your heart my love.
You and I are meant to be together.

My True Heart

How can I ever tell you how I feel about you?
Would you even believe me?
My heart aches for your touch.
I long for your embrace.
To touch your flesh just one last time.
Your smell is sweet perfume to me.
Your smile penetrates my very core.
My soul longs to be with you.
Haven’t we been here before?
Here and now is all that we have together.

Would you ever love me?
My heart speaks the truth.
I want your entire being.
Two souls entwined forever more.
Your beauty is more majestic than heaven.
Your touch breathes life into me.
My soul reaches out for you.
How can we go on apart?
Haven’t you felt the passion explode?

When can we be as one?
My heart throbs for your lips.
I’m forever yours heart, body and soul.
To be with you is heaven.
Your lips beacon me.
Your body wants me.
My soul is connected to you.
How much I love you that I can’t breathe.

Perfect Night

My heart just isn’t complete without you.
I long for your love.
One word from your sweet succulent lips fills me up.
Just one moment together frozen in time.
How I want to be with you for all eternity.

One night to hold you in my arms.
To whisper my love for you.
That perfect night we crave for so long.
Just to lay together in bliss forever.
How I love you for all time.

We are two in the same.
You and I are angels soaring through the night sky.
It only takes time for us to be one.
Just for now things aren’t easy.
How it’ll be worth the wait and frustrations when at last it shall come to pass.

He and I and I and he shall be but one in the end.
Upon that day shall a great flag fly.
And upon the hill side will we rest in each others arms.
Just the adoring sun cascading her beauty upon us.
How a gentle kiss is our embrace.
 
 
They are poems from the heart and have such deep meaning for me.  Of course they are inspired too.  I have already had one poem published.  I'm hoping to have a few others published as well.  I'm looking not only for a book publisher but a publisher for a few of my poems and my musical scores.  But that will do it for today.  Be yourself.

Angel

Friday, March 23, 2012

Angel And Andromede

Okay I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues over the past couple of months.  And I'm sure it'll make a great story some day.  But for right now it's pure hell.  It seems like it will never end and that I'll never get what I want.  A personal hell.  What I want is to have the love of my life wake up and at least want to try a relationship with me.  I don't know.  I think he does have feelings for me but is burying them deep down inside because he's afraid to get hurt.  I don't know.  It doesn't matter.  I'm not going to get into it.  Especially to post it on here and have him come across it and get angry at me.  I'm just going through a rough patch and my creativity couldn't be more strong.  I have written so many poems to help me and I'm thinking of writing another short story.  One where all my dreams come true.  Where I actually get the guy in the end.  But for now enjoy this short story.

Andromede and Angel


It was nearing the end of October when Angel was out for a cup of coffee. He stopped by his favourite coffee shop for his regular. There was no rush in Angel’s life so he could take all the time he wanted and just enjoy his coffee. Angel sat down at an open table. He put three sugars in his coffee as usual and some milk. There weren’t very many people in the shop today. Course it was getting close to Halloween and autumn never really had much people out. Still there was a nice crispness to the air. And the smell of leaves always brought Angel back to the joys of childhood innocence. Running freely in the streets chasing leaves. Or diving head first into a freshly raked pile of leaves.
Angel stared out the window enjoying his cup of coffee. A smile permanently plastered on his face. His sparkling golden hair was really angel-like. His beautiful hazel eyes piercing through his beautifully carved face. Like a marble statue of some Greek god. Angel was every bit an angel on earth. He was kind, caring and would go out of his way to help out. Even having so much compassion for those who were hurt or in trouble. Angel was every bit the perfect boyfriend for anyone. He just didn’t realize it.

Angel never thought that much about himself. He was always looking for that special someone but never really finding it. Angel’s friends could never understand why. He was like the perfect boyfriend and totally cute. Any man would be lucky to have him. Angel was searching for love. Not just any love but that true connection with someone that would last a life time.

It was nearly half an hour that Angel was staring outside. Most of his coffee was drunk. Angel was just thinking about his life and the direction it was heading. He was the best salesman at his job. Everyone loved him at work. But that wasn’t really for Angel. He had his eyes set on acting. Angel had always thought about packing up everything and moving to the west coast. The land of opportunity. Of course Angel had been in several plays and a few musicals. He even had been working on a screenplay. It was going to be his big break into the pictures. Everything was going good for Angel. But there was still one area that Angel was having trouble with. No matter how much he tried, no matter how much he wanted it, it just wasn’t working for him. Love.

That was really what Angel wanted. He would give up everything just for that chance at love. Angel’s girlfriends never understood his passion. They were always saying the same advice: “Honey love isn’t worth giving up your life for. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. Just live your life. Love will come when it’s damn well ready.” Angel never listened too closely. He had this wild notion of what love was suppose to be. He’d bump into a guy, they’d start talking and just have a conversation. Then the guy would ask for Angel’s number. They’d have a few chats, maybe meet for coffee and have another long conversation. After being friends for a while, they’d start to go out and date. Then Angel would be swept off his feet by the guy and they’d fall in love. Then they’d be boyfriends. After a number of months they’d be partners maybe even on the track to get married. For Angel the sky is the limit.

Of course after years of looking for that special someone Angel was coming up short. Most of his friends were in relationships or getting married. A few of his best friends even moved away. Angel thought for sure there had to be something wrong with him. That everyone else was finding love and he couldn’t because there was something wrong with him. It was too much for Angel to bear. Angel had started seeing a therapist to help him with everything that was going on. Some weeks it worked, some weeks it didn’t. Angel was really hard on himself. He wanted the world and he wanted it now. He wanted everything his heart desired. And he’d give it all up just for a chance at love.

Still Angel stared out the window sipping his coffee. The October leaves blowing in the wind. Life moving on. Angel took another sip of his coffee. “Can I get a double espresso with cream and sugar?” A customer ordered loudly. Angel took a look at who ordered such a strong drink. At the counter stood a skinny, scrawny half man half boy with brown hair that had subtle hints of blond and the most gorgeous brown eyes. The guy was definitely younger than Angel and looked amazing. Angel’s eyes lit up when he saw the guy. And Angel’s eyes lighting up was enough to attract any guy’s attention. Angel couldn’t help but love what he saw. The guy had an almost perfect body. At the very least average. Angel was definitely smiling. It had been a long time since he had been attracted to another man, much less someone so beautiful.

The guy looked around at who was in the coffee shop. His eyes lingered on Angel for more than a minute. Angel had to act coy and look away, like he wasn’t interested. But all the while his prayers to God demanding the guy sit with him were being hurriedly prayed. The guy grabbed his double espresso and walked casually over to the tables. Angel was playing it cool and looking out the window. “Excuse me.” The guy vocalized to Angel. Immediately Angel looked up at the gorgeous guy with brown eyes. “Are you by yourself?” The guy asked while smiling. “That is to say can I join you?” The guy clarified. Angel was stunned. He pointed to the empty chair. “I hate coming here and not having anyone to sit with. I much prefer talking to someone.” The guy voiced nervously.

“I’m Angel.” Angel extended his hand toward the guy with a smile.
“I’m Andromede.” The guy stated. “Angel’s such a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful guy. Aren’t we a pair. Angel and Andromede. We both must have fallen from heaven cause of our names.” The guy nervously joked. Angel laughed too.

Andromede didn’t know what it was about Angel, but there was an immediate like. Of course Angel had a universal personality that he got along with everyone. He had lived a long time to know the many secrets of this world. But never had that one thing he wanted more than anything else in the entire world. That one thing that would make his life rich, fulfilling and complete. Angel was waiting for love. Andromede smiled at Angel as he took a sip of his coffee. “So Angel.” Andromede accented Angel’s name. “What do you do? Where do you go to school?” Andromede asked. Angel was taken aback. Though it wasn’t surprising. Angel always got mistaken for being twenty-one.

“I work at Sanders Department Store. It’s only temporarily. I really want to go to Hollywood and become an actor.” Angel honestly replied. What’s the point of lying?
“Oh wow. That’s cool.” Andromede batted back rather easy breezy. “I can totally see that.” Andromede smiled again at Angel. “So what kind of music are you into?” Andromede asked still a little nervous. This was the first time that Andromede had really sat down to talk with a guy he was interested in. Though to Andromede it was more of just getting to know a new friend. A relationship was the furthest thing from his mind. He had been in some quasi relationships but it wasn’t the real thing.

Angel was a little surprised by the sudden turn in conversation. “Pretty much anything. I can dance to.” Angel joked. Andromede laughed really loudly. It was almost over done. Angel smiled widely. “But I like pretty much anything.” Angel honestly said.
“That’s cool. I like anything that’s like dance. And some rap.” Andromede bounced back. He even bobbed his head a few times. Angel smiled. Andromede smiled back.

“So Andromede. Is that your full legal name?” Angel asked not sure if it was appropriate or not. Andromede knew that was coming. He hated his name.
“Yup. How bout yourself? Is Angel your real name?” Andromede batted back.
“Yeah it is. Everyone says it suits me too. That I’m a real angel.” Angel smiled widely. Andromede was in awe at Angel’s smile. It was a new experience for Andromede. It was something he had definitely never felt before. He didn’t know what it was but it was something. Angel even felt something different for Andromede.

“But what does Andromede mean?” Angel asked. He already knew what it stood for, but sometimes parents pick out a different meaning for their child.
“Oh it means brave prince of the galaxy or something.” Andromede bounded back.
“Cool.” Angel didn’t dare state what he knew of the meaning of Andromede. “So what are you going to study in school?” Angel asked Andromede nonchalantly. Andromede shifted his weight in his chair to get a little more cosy. It was now his favourite subject.

“Um probably going for counselling or psychiatry. I really think I can help a lot of people out that way. I’m not much of an artist or really good at sports. I love sports though.” Once Andromede started there was no stopping him. He could carry on a conversation by himself. Just talking non stop. Angel didn’t mind. He loved the sound of Andromede’s voice. Even though it was deeper than his own. It was still beautiful.

Angel had never had such feelings before in all his life. Andromede never felt the way he felt before either. Almost like it was meant to be. Andromede had never had such strong feelings toward someone before. It was nothing compared to the other relationships he had in his past. This was a whole new feeling. It scared him. He was young and wanted to do so many things. Andromede didn’t want to be tied down to anyone. He was about to go to school. The idea of a relationship scared Andromede to his very core. Even sex was taboo. Andromede had his cherry popped but it wasn’t the way he wanted it to happen. Not that it was against his will. Unlike Angel’s first time. Angel’s experience in the matter was far worse. But that was so many years ago.

Angel and Andromede spent a few hours talking. The talked endlessly about a wide variety of different things. Andromede had never found such an instant friend, much less a kindred spirit. Angel and Andromede had so much in common. “Well it was great talking to you.” Angel spoke up once his coffee was completely gone. He had looked at his watch and noticed he was running late to meet up with some friends.

“Can I get your number?” Andromede asked eagerly, whipping out his cell. Angel was a little puzzled but gave Andromede his number anyway.
Both left the coffee shop feeling elated. They had just met someone who was incredible. Andromede gave Angel a hug. Angel was shocked but enjoyed the hug none the less. Andromede walked Angel to his car. Angel had the feeling that Andromede didn’t want to say goodbye. Andromede kept the conversation going. Angel had never had someone so interested in him. It was flattering. Andromede was definitely interested in all aspects of Angel.

“Do you need a lift home?” Angel asked Andromede a little hesitantly. It wasn’t in Angel’s nature to offer a stranger a lift home. It was one of those things you don’t do.
“Sure.” Andromede eagerly accepted as he opened the car door to get in with a big smile on his face. Angel was surprised but delighted to have a few more minutes with Andromede. All the way to Andromede’s place they talked endlessly about many different things. Andromede was excited to have Angel as a friend. This was all too new for Angel. He had never had someone so young want to be such good friends instantly. Andromede told Angel exactly where to go. It was actually pretty close to Angel’s home. Angel parked the car so Andromede could get out. Andromede kept talking about what he had been talking about before. It was like he didn’t want to leave Angel. They ended up talking for another two hours in Angel’s car. Finally Andromede said he better go. Angel made a joke that Andromede’s parents are probably wondering what’s going on in the fogged up car. Andromede gave Angel a big hug. “Good night.” Andromede said as he got out of the car. He smiled widely at Angel then walked toward the door. Angel smiled back. At Andromede’s front door he looked back, smiled and waved to Angel. Of course Angel waved back and drove away as Andromede went inside.

Angel was convinced that it was just a one time thing. He went to bed without even giving it another thought. Andromede wouldn’t call. It was just being polite. In the morning Angel checked his social account. Andromede had requested to be friends. Angel was relieved it wasn’t just a dream. That night the two of them chatted for nearly five hours. Just getting to know each other. The next day they had coffee again. They talked for a good four hours about everything under the sun. No two people on the face of the planet could carry on a conversation as well as Andromede and Angel. This was no ordinary friendship. There was something more going on. Angel had no intentions of starting a relationship, much less with someone so young. Andromede was still trying to get rid of the guys that had a thing for him, but he wasn’t interested in them.

It was nearly three months later that Andromede and Angel became very close friends. Both were sharing things with the other that no one on the earth knew about. They were really comfortable with the other. Still secretly the pair were trying to impress the other. Even though Andromede had it firmly in his mind that he wasn’t interested in a relationship. Angel was looking for a relationship with practically anyone else but his close friend Andromede. Yet when the two came together it was like magic. No other friends had ever been so close or knew what the other was thinking let alone feeling. It was almost like they completed each other. Their better halves. Andromede was scared for what he was feeling about Angel. In his eyes Angel was becoming something that only Andromede would ever want to be. He was a mentor. Someone Andromede could rely on. Angel saw Andromede only as a friend. There would never be a possible relationship. Andromede was off limits to Angel. It wasn’t fair. But life isn’t fair.

During Christmas Angel asked if Andromede wanted to go to a popular dance. At once Andromede said yes. There would be no way that Andromede would ever miss the dance, much less a dance with Angel. Andromede left all the guess work up to Angel. The two of them went out to dinner before the dance. Andromede was so nervous when Angel picked him up. Angel had no other intentions other than picking up a friend to drive him to dinner then the dance. Andromede was arguing with his brother about not him not going out on a date, but just going out with a friend. Angel was shocked that anyone could have ever thought it was a date. Andromede gave Angel an awkward hug. Both of them walked to the car rather nervously and with purpose.

Once in the car Angel relieved the tension with a joke. Andromede was put at ease with Angel’s demeanour and casualty. He relaxed and put his arm on the door-window area of the car and smiled the biggest smile possible. Angel told a few more jokes to put the tension to rest. Andromede really respected Angel and couldn’t get enough of the jokes. He thought Angel was the most wonderful person on the planet. Just the most beautiful thing and so open and honest. Andromede definitely knew Angel cared for him. That he was kind, gentle and genuine toward Andromede. It was no small wonder that Andromede constantly smiled at Angel with awe.

At the Chinese restaurant Angel had ordered a vegetarian meal. Andromede was lingering on everything on the menu. He couldn’t decide. It was only till he needed to make a decision that he finally picked the special. Rice was one of his favourite things to eat. So it didn’t really matter what Andromede ordered because it all came with rice. The two sat down across from each other. On occasion their eyes would meet and linger. It was a pleasant dining experience for both. Andromede had never really been on a proper date. He was suddenly impacted on the weight of what was going on around him. He didn’t want Angel to think that this was a date, but couldn’t help thinking the possibility. Andromede was making too much of it in his head. He leaned on his arm with his hand on his face, looking at Angel as they talked. Angel had no idea what was going on in Andromede’s mind.

Once dinner was finished they sat for a little while talking. Then they moved over to the dance which was just a few doors down. Andromede was in awe of such a beautiful night. A fantastic night that he got to spend with his best friend. Angel was just excited to have someone to spend time with, whether or not there was the possibility of a relationship. The dance was an amazing spectacle to behold. Andromede had never seen anything like it in all his life. “You know.” Andromede spoke up to Angel. “I never got to go to my prom. This is sort of like being at my prom night.” Andromede smiled widely at Angel. In turn Angel looked back at Andromede with a smile. Angel took Andromede by the hand and lead him onto the dance floor.

“Then lets make your prom night one you won’t easily forget.” Angel lead Andromede in the dance. Andromede was all giddy on the inside. He had never danced with a guy before. It was going to be a night that Andromede would not easily forget.
“I’m not really a good dancer.” Andromede said without earnestness. “I’ve never really danced with a guy before.” Andromede confessed, feeling he was a little less than perfect at dancing, but enjoying being close to Angel. He even put his head on Angel’s shoulder. Angel was getting some confusing signals from Andromede.

“Well just enjoy the night.” Angel told Andromede. “Besides you’re doing fine.”
“Really?” Andromede eagerly asked Angel as he looked up at Angel’s eyes.
“Yeah you really are.” Angel replied with a big smile. Andromede smiled back and put his head back on Angel’s shoulder. Without really thinking Andromede moved closer to Angel. The two were really close as they were dancing away to a lovely love song. Angel loved being held so closely by his best friend. Andromede loved the closeness as well. It was something the two of them hadn’t experienced before in their busy lives.

Once the music stopped Andromede lingered for a moment on Angel. He then peeled himself off and smiled at Angel. “Thank you.” Andromede honestly told Angel.
“No. Thank you.” Angel replied in kindness. Both smiled happily at each other. The went to sit down. Andromede picked a table that was far away from everyone else. He just wanted it to be him and Angel tonight. Angel sat down next to Andromede, not sure if he should have sat across from him or beside him. Andromede thought Angel was in the right place. He smiled widely at Angel with a few perspiration marks starting to show.

“It certainly is a nice night and a lovely dance.” Andromede commented, hoping to make conversation. Angel kind of looked surprised at Andromede. In all the months that he knew Andromede not once did Angel hear Andromede try and make small talk.
“It certainly is.” Angel batted back with a smile. The bartender came over to take their order. Andromede wasn’t certain what he was going to order.
“I’ll have a Spud lite.” Angel ordered to the bartender.
“Such a divine choice.” The bartender started flirting with Angel.
“I’ll have the same.” Andromede voiced firmly and moved closer to Angel. The bartender made an agreeing sound and walked away.

“He was cute.” Andromede spoke up with a little bit of a quiver in his voice as he looked over at Angel’s face. “Don’t you think?” Andromede wanted to gauge Angel’s reaction. Angel looked over at Andromede before answering.
“Yeah. I guess.” Angel voiced. The bartender wasn’t really what Angel was attracted to.
“Yeah. His ass was nice. I like a big ass.” Andromede nervously stated. He looked away with a slight embarrassed face. He didn’t mean to say that. Especially to Angel.
“Not me.” Angel spoke up. “I like a nice scrawny twink ass.” Angel smiled widely. Andromede smiled even wider. He even let out a little giggle. Suddenly a new song came on the speakers. “Ooh this is my song.” Angel quickly got up. He grabbed Andromede by the arm and yanked him out of the seat. The two of them were dancing away to Angel’s favourite song. Angel had practised the moves so many times at home.

“I don’t know this song.” Andromede voiced rather concerned. He didn’t want to look like a fool in front of Angel. He just stopped dancing and watched Angel finish the song. Angel loved lip-synching to his favourite song. Andromede was enjoying every minute of it. Angel even got Andromede involved a bit. By the end of the song Andromede was overjoyed that he clapped for Angel. It was then that Andromede could have kissed Angel, if he had meant more to Angel than just being a friend.

Angel and Andromede sat down again at their table. Everyone in the room had took notice of Angel and Andromede together. Their drinks were happily waiting for them on the table. Angel took a long sip. Andromede took three small sips, while looking at Angel the whole time. “You’re a really good dancer.” Andromede confessed.
“It’s nothing. Just a few moves I picked up. It’s really easy once you get the hang of it.” Angel was being modest. Or at least that’s what Andromede had thought.
“I wish I could dance like you.” Andromede admitted as he accidentally looked at the bartender’s ass. Angel just smiled at what Andromede had been looking at. Andromede blushed as he noticed Angel had looked over at him.

“You can. I can teach you.” Angel stood up again. He dragged Andromede to his feet again. “Here.” Angel put Andromede in front of himself. “Now just move your hips.” Angel instructed. Andromede wasn’t doing a very good job. He hated how his body was so stiff. “Here.” Angel put his hands on Andromede’s hips and began to move them to the music. Andromede loved having Angel’s hands on his hips. Angel moved Andromede to the music. Andromede didn’t know it was so easy.

“There you got it.” Angel announced as he moved his hands off of Andromede.
“Yeah.” Andromede exclaimed happily, though he still wanted Angel’s hands on him.
“See you can dance.” Angel stated proudly. Andromede moved closer to Angel. By the end of the song Andromede was rubbing against Angel and Angel was pretty much against the wall. Angel was totally confused what Andromede was doing. Andromede had been mostly looking down at Angel’s feet, trying to discover the next moves. Most of the dance was that way. Andromede was dancing as close as he could to Angel and Angel was pretty much against the wall. Except when a slow song came on. Andromede was happy to be in Angel’s powerful arms, with his head on Angel’s shoulder. In Andromede’s mind there was no safer place in heaven or on earth than in Angel’s arms. Angel was loving every minute of it.

It was nearing one in the morning and both had danced several songs both fast and slow. Angel and Andromede loved the slow ones. Even though they were getting hot and sweaty. “Hey did you want to go get a coffee and talk?” Andromede asked Angel.
“Sure I guess. If you want to.” Angel batted back, not really sure if Andromede didn’t like the dance or not. Andromede smiled widely. Angel went to pay the bill. Andromede gathered up Angel’s coat and cell phone, almost like he had been doing it for years. Angel looked back and saw Andromede gathering up Angel’s belongings. He smiled widely and shook his head. The thought of Andromede as his husband picking up after him for years had popped up in Angel’s mind. He laughed it off.

Once the bill was paid the pair went over to the coffee shop to get a cup of coffee. Course neither wanted coffee. Andromede had an iced cappuccino. Angel had a mint tea. Andromede picked the ideal spot to sit. He wanted to be away from everyone else so he could have Angel all to himself. Angel didn’t care where they sat. One place was just as good as any. The pair talked till four in the morning. Glancing on every subject at hand. Everything from the dance to their first sexual experience. Andromede didn’t want the night to end. Even when Angel insisted they get going. Angel had to work the next day. Andromede was disappointed that the night had to end. He wanted it to go on forever. Even when Angel had pulled up to Andromede’s house. The two sat there talking for another hour. Andromede didn’t want to leave Angel. There was no place safer in the entire world than being with Angel. Even Angel didn’t want to leave. Andromede gave Angel a big hug goodnight. In secret he wanted to kiss Angel. Of course Angel wanted to kiss Andromede but they were just friends.

The next day Andromede and Angel chatted online. Both admitting that they had the time of their lives. They agreed to meet for dinner again later in the week. Angel was really nervous. He didn’t know if it was an actual date or what. Andromede just played it cool. He figured Angel wasn’t interested in a relationship with someone so young. He had actually talked himself out of that possibility, just so he wouldn’t get hurt. Angel picked up Andromede and took out to the fancy restaurant. Andromede was impressed with everything. Angel had even ordered flowers. That had been a little too much for Andromede to take. He was extremely nervous. Angel instantly regretted buying the flowers. Even though Andromede loved them. Dinner was pretty smooth, just like any other time the two of them got together. After dinner they took a walk by the water. Andromede insisted he hold the flowers. Angel had offered several times. Andromede didn’t want anything to happen to his flowers that were so beautiful.

There were a few hoodlums making trouble at one end of the pier. Angel automatically put himself in between them and Andromede. There was no way Angel was going to let anything happen to Andromede whatsoever. Andromede couldn’t help but smile at Angel for being protective. They walked on toward the car. Had Angel believed it to be a date, he would have opened the car door for Andromede. But Andromede didn’t want to send out any wrong signals. He just wanted to be friends. Angel knew that he didn’t have a chance with Andromede at all. Andromede was too young and had his whole future a head of him. Angel was older and had a steady career. It was enough for now. Angel dropped off Andromede. They hugged goodnight. Angel cried himself to sleep. He wanted a boyfriend badly. Andromede had cried himself to sleep too. Angel was everything that Andromede wanted in a boyfriend but couldn’t have. At least right now. Neither thought that the other wanted them.

The next few months were filled with a few days spent together. Both enjoying the other’s company. Angel had fallen in love with Andromede, but couldn’t bring himself to say it for fear of rejection. Andromede had started to fall in love with Angel. Everything was going good. Unfortunately Andromede suffered a huge personal loss. Angel tried his best to be there for Andromede. But Andromede pushed Angel away. It was such a terrible thing. Angel wished he had been Andromede’s boyfriend so he could actually do more to help. He was just Andromede’s stupid friend. The next month Angel hadn’t seen Andromede. Just trying to keep in contact. Andromede didn’t want Angel to get hurt.

Finally one night after Angel had sent flowers, cards and a fruit basket, Andromede had met up with Angel. “Thanks for all your kindness. It means a lot to my family.” Andromede told Angel. It just broke Angel’s heart to see Andromede so miserable.
“I know this isn’t the right time. But I can’t keep it in any longer.” Angel spoke up. “I am in love with you.” Angel blurted out how he really feels about Andromede.
“Thanks. But you’re only a friend to me.” Andromede pushed Angel away. “I hope this doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends.” Andromede wasn’t his true self. It was just the wrong time. It scared the hell out of Andromede. That was literally the last thing he needed to hear at the moment. The rest of the day was met with awkwardness. Even when they said good bye. Andromede took a long good look at Angel. “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.” Angel said firmly with a smile on his face. Angel walked away from Andromede. He had already decided what he was going to do after Andromede told him that they were only friends. You don’t go through all of that to end up as friends.

That night Angel packed up his things from his apartment. He had informed his landlord that he was leaving in a few days. Angel made sure there were no loose ends to tie up before he left. Andromede phoned the next day to make sure everything was good. Angel had been out quitting his job and renting a truck. “Angel. We need to talk. Call me.” Andromede left a message for Angel. When Angel got back home, he was more concerned with packing everything up and getting an early start to listen to a message.
In the morning Andromede phoned again. “Angel. Please. We need to talk. Please call me.” Andromede sounded desperate on the answering machine. Angel was in the shower. Andromede was so upset that he phoned again in the afternoon. Angel had stepped out to finish everything he needed to before going. “Angel. Come on. Please. Call me. We really need to talk.” Andromede was practically crying on the machine. Angel got back late from finishing everything he needed to finish before leaving and never coming back. Even the messages on the machine didn’t dissuade Angel’s decision. Angel knew that if Andromede really loved him, he would have come over instead of phoning.

By nine in the morning Angel was all packed up and ready to go. A great deal of items were left behind. Including the answering machine, but not the tape. It was a recording of Andromede’s voice. Something Angel would treasure for the rest of his life. Andromede dialled desperately Angel’s number one last time. “Sorry the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service.” The monotone operator informed Andromede.
“Dammit.” Andromede hung up the phone ferociously. He immediately left the house. He had one thing on his mind. To find Angel. The walk to Angel’s apartment had never felt longer for Andromede than it did that very morning. Even the stairs up didn’t hamper Andromede or his quest.

“Angel!” Andromede knocked hard and loudly on Angel’s door. “Angel. We need to talk!” Andromede shouted through the door. “Angel please. Don’t shut me out. Come on. Open the door.” Andromede had tears spilling out of his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was to lose his best friend. Especially since he was in love with him too.

“Even if you broke down the door sonny, you won’t find him in there.” An elderly woman neighbour informed Andromede. “I’m afraid Angel moved out. Left this morning for California. Poor thing was heart broken the last couple of days.” She came out into the hall to look at Angel’s door. “Won’t be the same without him around. Hated to see him in such a state. Told him he’s better off going somewhere new to get a fresh start.” She admitted to Andromede. “He deserves better than what he got. Poor thing was so in love with his friend. And he thought his friend was in love with him too. The bastard told him that they were only friends. I guess she doesn’t know what she lost.” The elderly lady went back into her apartment. “Gonna miss him. He was always such a darling.” She told Andromede before closing her door again.

Once the door was closed Andromede cried profusely as he slid down Angel’s door. He was hoping that the lady was lying to him. That any minute Angel will open the door and hug him to comfort him. Andromede cried so much. That even his own personal loss was nothing compared to the loss of the one he loved. It just took him so long to realize what he wanted. What he’d be missing out. Here was a practically perfect guy. A guy that most men would kill to have. And Andromede let him slip through his fingers. Angel wouldn’t have stood in Andromede’s way of going to school or having a life or having fun. Angel was all for having fun. Andromede had gotten it in his head that he was doing Angel a favour. Angel didn’t need any favours. Andromede let what could have been the best thing in his life leave. He cried for nearly an hour before he could stand up to go home.

Angel was well on his way to California. He had planned to make it in three days. Two if he was lucky. Every chance he got, Angel was on the internet to see if he could get an apartment before he arrived. There wasn’t much good ones. Only slums and dicey ones were readily available. Angel was also sending resumes to various stores and places. Hoping that an interview wouldn’t be too far behind. It kept Angel moving. He didn’t want to think about what he left behind. The heart ache. The pain. Angel was moving on with his life. He couldn’t afford to let Andromede set him back on his future, on his needs and wants. It was Angel’s time to shine. Where else to shine but in Hollywood.

Andromede had cried himself to sleep while Angel was somewhere closer to Hollywood. In the morning Andromede told his mom what was going on and why he was constantly crying. His mom forbade him to have anything to do with Angel and that it was a good thing Angel was out of his life. Now Andromede could focus on his career and life without any distractions. Andromede was trying to see it that way. His mom reassured him that it’s all for the best. That in the years to come Andromede wouldn’t even give Angel a second thought.

A day went by. Angel was getting closer to California, but not closer to a job or a place to live. Andromede was mourning his loss. Another day went by. Angel arrived in California, ready to find a place to live. Andromede mourned his loss. A whole week went by. Angel had found a temporary apartment and a small job to get him started. Back at home Andromede had started at a college for the summer. He was learning basic sociology. Another week went by. Angel made new friends and was gaining respect at the store he worked at. Andromede kept looking out the window of his classes hoping he’d see Angel. Several times the teacher would call on him and he wouldn’t have a clue what they were talking about.

A whole month went by. Angel was doing really well at both jobs he had. He was now looking for a better apartment. His parents had come for a short visit to make sure he was doing okay and was happy. Angel was still heart broken but needed the distance. Andromede was doing poorly in school. He couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking about Angel and the pain he caused him. Andromede’s mother tried to get his attention off of Angel and onto his school work, but it didn’t work. Andromede missed Angel way too much. He had let the best thing that ever happen to him out of his life. Why? All because he was scared. Not a day goes by that Andromede didn’t regret not saying exactly how he felt about Angel. Maybe then Angel would have stayed. Andromede was so confused.

Finally Andromede left school. He went home to his mom. He stole her credit card and phoned the airline. Andromede had to see Angel. He knew God would help him in his quest to find Angel. Andromede packed a small duffle bag. He probably would be back in a few days or weeks. The first stop was to Angel’s parent’s house. Andromede wasn’t going on a wild goose chase. He needed to see Angel and he needed to find him quickly once he was in California. Angel’s parents were disappointed that Andromede had hurt Angel so badly. They gave Andromede a firm tongue lashing and swore they’d never tell him where Angel was living. “Please sir. I love Angel. I’ve love him since the day we met. I was just too scared to tell him. And if I don’t tell him now I might never get the chance. Please. Let me go fix my mistake. I love him with all my heart.” Andromede collapsed in tears. The prospect of not seeing Angel was too much to bear. Angel’s parents gave in and gave Andromede Angel’s address and apartment number. They even gave him a lift to the airport.

On the plane Andromede practiced everything he was going to say to Angel when he saw him. It was a long flight. And Andromede managed to get a lot of practise in. Once the plane landed Andromede went practically running for a taxi. The driver took Andromede where Angel’s parents told him Angel lived. Outside the tall building Andromede took a deep breath and summoned up all his courage. He could feel the spirits pushing him forward to take the big leap. Andromede walked up the steps into the apartment. He made his way up to the ninth floor. Apartment number nine hundred and thirty-nine. Andromede banged on the door. He stood there waiting with a smile on his face. Nothing happened for a minute. Andromede banged on the door again. His smile never faded. Panic set into his heart. What if this was the wrong building? What if it was the wrong part of the city? What if this was the wrong city? Andromede started breathing heavy and nervous. He was all panicky. He was in such a rush to go in search of Angel that he forgot to pack his pills. Slowly he took a deep breath. Without even thinking he knocked on the door again.

There was movement behind the door. Andromede had slunk to the floor in a fit of panic. The door opened. Andromede was staring at the floor. He saw a pair of feet in front of him. Suddenly strong, powerful arms lifted him up off the floor and into the apartment. Angel had grabbed Andromede up in his arms and walked him over to the couch. Andromede was coming around as his legs dangled in Angel’s arms. “What are you doing here?” Angel asked with his shirt off. Andromede was breathing hard. Angel went to the small kitchen to get some water and a paper bag for Andromede. At once Andromede took a sip of the water and started to breath in the bag. “How did you find me?” Angel questioned Andromede. “Nobody but my parents know I’m here.” Angel stated. “And I told them not to tell anyone. Especially you. Unless you said…” Angel suddenly paused and looked over at Andromede. “Why did you wait so long?” He asked.

“I thought I was doing you a favour. I didn’t want to hurt you.” Andromede breathed.
“Did you ever stop to think that you were hurting yourself?” Angel batted back. That was something that had never come to Andromede’s mind at all.
Andromede stood up to his tallest height. “I don’t expect you to feel the same way I do.” Andromede began as if he were facing a firing squad. “I’m in love with you. I have been for the longest time. Probably since we first met. I love you.” Andromede admitted to Angel. There was nothing more that needed to be said. Angel looked over at Andromede with the most serious look on his face. Andromede felt he waited too long.

“What took you so long?” Angel broke out in a smile. “I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say those words.” Angel confessed. “I knew you did, but you were to afraid. So was I once I said it. I didn’t handle it very well.” Angel told Andromede. They immediately flew into each other’s arms. Andromede couldn’t wait to be held again by Angel. To rest his head on Angel’s shoulder and feel how much Angel loves him. It was heaven be in Angel’s loving arms. No place on the earth or in heaven is more safe than in Angel’s loving arms.

Years later Andromede and Angel get married and have some kids. Even later Andromede dies in old age. Angel is crushed but happy Andromede didn’t have to suffer the loss of Angels death.


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Media Frenzy

Okay so I was looking through my emails today.  I got one from a friend who sent me a letter that has been circulating around the internet for years.  It's a letter in response to Dr. Laura's radio show where she apparently said homosexuality is an obomination. The Famous Open Letter is definitely worth the read.  No matter if you're gay, straight, bi, transgendered or questioning.  You're beautiful Baby because you were Born This Way

The hype caused by the letter created a stir in the gay community as well as in other communities.  Which of course would be expected if you're going to say something that is totally stupid, untrue and narrow-minded.  It's a hard thing for gay's to come out of the closet as it is much less not be bullied, teased, picked on, slandered, shamed or beaten up.  It is really hard for gays to grow up in a society that doesn't accept and love everyone no matter their race, colour, creed, religion, gender, sexual attraction, sexual preference or their fetishes.  We are all human.  We are all born the same way.  There shouldn't be violence, hatred or discrimination because someone is different.  Peace, love, friendship and acceptance should be our world.  It is so hard for gay teens to accept themselves and love themselves already.  Suicide should never be an option for anyone.  There is always someone out there to help.  You are not alone!  There are communities of people who have the same interests as you and who are into the same things you are.  Whether it's leather, bondage, S&M, ABDL, or sports or arts.  There is someone out there looking for a friend like you too.

Don't ever be afraid to be yourself.  You are born beautiful just the way you are.  Don't ever let anyone tell you differently.  You are beautifully born.  Be Always Beautifully Yourself!!!  Stay Fabulous!!!  Angel

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I'm Back

Okay so I deleted all my past blog posts because I was really scared.  I got freaked out so I deleted them all.  But now I'm back and happy.  Still freaked out but it's okay.  I've been searching myself and I know who I am and I love who I am.  I'm comfortable in my own skin.  If nobody can appreciate me and love me for who I am than it's their loss.  I'm a terrific person and a really great guy.  If you can't love yourself how can you expect anyone to love you.  And I love who I am.  Apparently all the new guys I'm meeting agree.  :D


Damon Fizzy
So for the past couple of months I've been sending my query letters to publishers around Canada.  I have only heard back from a couple of them.  They told me that it isn't what they're interested in at the moment and they'll pass.  One of my coworkers told me to ask them who would they recommend.  Which I never thought of so I'll ask.  Can't hurt to ask.  Ask and you shall receive.  So I've been focussed on that.  And of course I've been looking for a new job as well.  I'm ready to move on to something full time and make some money.  I've been watching a lot of Damon Fizzy on You Tube.  He's amazing.  I love him.  He always puts a smile on my face.  Damon Fizzy is amazing.  You have got to watch him.  He's funny. 

Other than that I've been focussing on myself and getting better.  I had gall bladder surgery back in January.  It was excruciating pain.  I nearly died.  They had to rush me off to surgery.  Okay so what happened was I was in and out of the hospital from Christmas to the day I actually had surgery.  January 25, 2012.  The doctors didn't know what it was that I had.  It wasn't the standard pains for gall stones.  They thought it was appendicitis, then kidney stones, then gall stones.  They couldn't figure out what was wrong.  They even thought it was a mental disorder.  My therapist didn't think so.  All the tests were negative for heart attack, gall bladder, liver infection, aids, cancer, kidney stones, appendicitis and ulcers.  The doctor was going to take out my gall bladder anyway because it made the most sense that all the symptoms could be gall stones.  I was admitted and in the hospital for a few days before the surgery.  The night before my surgery I had a severe attack.  Morphine wasn't working and the anti-inflammatories did nothing for me.  The pain was excruciating.  I thought I was going to die.  I even told my best friend to have a good life and that I was going to die.  I loved him so much that I didn't know if I was going to make it or not.  They did a blood test and had to rush me to surgery.  If I didn't have surgery when I did I wouldn't have survived the night.  The gall bladder was three times the normal size.  The recovery is taking forever to get back to 100% but Dee Fizzy is keeping me smiling.

So I'm back at work and back to looking for publishers, editing my novels and looking for a new job.  I want to make a lot of money.  Gotta pay the bills.  So I'll keep you posted on the progress I'm making.  And my poem "Goodnight My Love" is published by World Poetry Movement in their new book coming out.  I've already received a certificate in the mail saying I'm published.  Just waiting for the book now.  I'm so excited.  Of course it's a poem dedicated to the one I love with all my heart.

Stay Fabulous,

Angel